Understanding Incels and Mental Health

The term "incel" means “involuntary celibate” - a label adopted by people, predominantly men, who feel unable to form romantic or sexual relationships despite wanting to. What started as an online support group in the 90's (ironically, set up by a queer woman) grew into an ideology rooted in anger, resentment, and misogyny.

But underneath the blame and hatred, many men and boys in the Manosphere are isolated and struggling with their mental health. These online communities seem to offer a place of solace and understanding initially, but at what cost?

​The impact of “Adolescence”

The Netflix show Adolescence recently highlighted how young boys can be vulnerable to harmful online content – I wrote a deep-dive blog on this here. Adolescence sparked debate about banning smartphones in schools, limiting social media and fear around emoji codes, but as much as these are important, they miss the point. If young boys are interested in harmful online content, we need to explore what they’re looking for in the manosphere communities in the first place.
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Men and boys don’t have to identify as incels to cause harm. There's a wider socio-cultural impact of these communities and so-called influencers like Andrew Tate. These figures, backed up by other powerful men with allegations and charges of a sexual nature (e.g. Russell Brand, Trump, etc.) are sending the message that misogyny is tolerated, even protected. In that sense, it's just a more extreme version of the misogyny that already exists in our society.

​What do incels believe?

Incels are part of the broader “manosphere” alongside those with “red pill” ideologies, “men’s rights activists”, “pick up artists” and “men going their own way” (MGTOW). They have hierarchies within these communities, separating “alphas” from “betas”, using appearance-based scales and specific language and codes to refer to different people and groups. Andrew Tate is often seen as a prominent person from the manosphere, and although he may not consider himself part of it, his views still do promote typical “red pill” and manosphere views.

The “red pill” theory is from the 1999 film “The Matrix”. Taking the “blue pill” keeps you sedated in a state of ignorance and the “red pill” wakes you up into reality. In the manopshere, this means waking up and seeing the “truth” that men no longer hold systemic power or privilege and they’re actually the oppressed ones. There are overlaps in these communities with far-right and white supremacist views, as well as homophobia and transphobia. Ironically, The Matrix was made by two transgender women, the Wachowski’s, who have even said the film is a “trans metaphor”, which I can’t imagine sits well with the red pill guys. 
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There’s also “black pill” ideology, which refers to more extreme views. These people are known as “true believers” willing to commit violence, and/or take their own life, to further the cause. 

​Common incel attitudes

• Viewing feminists, women (and sometimes the political left) and wider society as enemies.
• A perception that the world is rigged against them, reinforcing a sense of hopelessness.
• High levels of misogyny, with many blaming women for their personal suffering.
• Low levels of self-esteem.

Incels often blame their inability to date women on factors they deem beyond their control, such as genetics (appearance), societal structures, or feminism. Many feel deeply isolated, frustrated, and hopeless, and often this is externalised as angry and resentful attitudes towards women. Many incels believe that women only date the top 20% (in appearance) of men. This is the 80/20 rule mentioned in Adolescence, which is the idea that 80% of women go for the top 20% of men, i.e. they think women only go for attractive “alphas”. 
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I personally might speculate that women aren’t interested in them because of their misogynistic views. It could be argued also that incels (and other men in the manosphere) are only interested in the top 20% of women due to their high standards, often having appearance ideals for women, rating them on a score of 1 – 10, and having strong gendered expectations. 

​The risk of increased stigma against incels

Incels are certainly not oblivious to how the world views them; they think society “hates” them and views them as “subhuman”. As more people talk about incels, there’s a risk this will increase stigma, bullying and abuse towards boys and men, whether they are part of incel communities or not. Young men are sometimes called incels just for being virgins, so the term is being used as an insult, which also isn't helpful.

The hatred and mockery will only serve to reinforce their already low self-worth and negative emotions. This may push them further into manosphere ideologies where they may fall deeper down the rabbit hole, groomed further into more extreme views, which increases the risk of violence in the real world. It’s important to note that violence committed by incel perpetrators isn’t solely due to involvement in the manosphere; it’s a complex nuanced mix of psychological influences as well as social-cultural factors, though the risk would certainly increase with involvement in these communities. 

So talking about incel culture is tricky; we need to be discussing this as a society to raise awareness, but we don’t want to run the risk of making everything a whole lot worse. It was recently reported that Adolescence will be shown in schools, which could bring huge risk of harm without careful attention. In my view, Adolescence was made for adults, not for young people, and is an opportunity for us (whether we have kids or not) to think about how we reinforce gender ideals and expectations, and how we communicate, and in turn how we make it more acceptable to share emotions (for men and boys especially). Showing it in schools could be upsetting or triggering for young people, it may increase bullying and abuse, it may even increase misogyny, and more. This would be a lot for schools to manage, particularly for teachers.
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​Mental Health and Incel Communities

A counter-terrorism approach is apparently to be taken towards online misogyny, with a taskforce to tackle harmful online communities, as outlined in this article - "misogynistic content driving UK boys to hunt vulnerable girls on suicide forums" (and eating disorder forums too). Seeing misogyny as a national threat in this sense is important, but how do we help people to leave these harmful communities, or prevent them for joining in the first place?

The largest study on incels to date, commissioned by the UK government, suggests that a mental health approach should be taken towards incel culture. This research suggests that incels are not simply a subculture driven by hatred but a group of individuals in severe psychological distress. The report challenges the assumption that incels are best understood through a security or radicalization lens and instead argues for increased mental health support. 
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This study highlighted that beneath the surface of incel communities lies poor mental health, social isolation and disillusionment. High rates of depression and suicidal ideation were found, with 1 in 5 incels having contemplated suicide every day for the past two weeks. Many incels in this study were found to be neurodivergent, with “a higher likelihood of diagnosis for autism spectrum disorder”. This does not mean that neurodivergence is a cause, but it may be one of many contributing factors to certain people being more vulnerable to engaging in these communities. Often neurodivergent people may have found the school system traumatising, and find it difficult to fit in places. Online communities can be easier and safer to engage with, and many may be looking for acceptance and belonging.

Addressing these issues through mental health support, early intervention, and social reintegration may in theory be effective but how likely are incels to access mental health support really? Would they want to access therapy, or even have the means to? This could be the real challenge as currently they’re finding the support, belonging and community they want in these online spaces.

Wider prevention strategies are needed to reduce stigma around mental health,  to challenge gender roles and expectations, and to stand against misogynistic views. Parents can unintentionally uphold gendered views, as demonstrated in Adolescence (more on this in my blog).

As there is an overlap with neurodivergence, this may be an area where more support and affirmative awareness is required, as well as earlier/easier opportunities for diagnosis. Sports such as football can often be used to reach young male communities, but for incels this is unlikely to be successful as their safe spaces are online. There may also be a risk of exacerbating gender/masculinity expectations in male sporting communities.
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​What could an intervention look like?

​One research paper suggests the following considerations for clinical interventions for incels:

• Practitioners need to have a comprehensive understanding of inceldom
• The gender of the practitioner needs to be considered, i.e. how they may react to a woman (you could argue this might be a good opportunity for modelling, rupture and repair - though the safety of the practitioner is crucial)
• “Stabilising” factors, e.g. housing, employment, social connections offline – these can be protective factors
• Working with “cognitive distortions” (e.g. black and white thinking, over-generalisations) may be helpful
• Compassion-focused approaches may be useful due to levels of self-criticism
• Exploration (with careful ongoing consideration of risk) of relationships, jealousy, shame, vulnerability and more.

I previously worked on a programme for male perpetrators of domestic abuse, which had some of these factors (and I’ve also co-designed a perpetrator intervention manual). Some of the men had never talked about emotions before. Some never had role modelling from caregivers on how to recognise or show emotions other than anger (which was more “acceptable” for boys). We used empathy-building techniques and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) approaches to help challenge thoughts, and many other approaches and interventions as it was a lengthy programme (minimum 26 weeks).

​However, I believe the real work came through the relationships in the group, and with the facilitators. Like in counselling, healing can come through the relationship between the practitioner and the client, which is sometimes the part which can be hard to describe as it is not about tools or techniques but rather about relational depth.

This could potentially be beneficial for incels or those in the manosphere as this relational element, alongside the practical tools and challenges/reframing, may help make shifts in how they feel about themselves and others. I would also speculate that many incels may have experienced trauma themselves, so a trauma-informed approach would be important.
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​Conclusion

All of this said, it would clearly be quite an undertaking to create interventions for incels given the risk involved and nuance required (I’d still love to do it – call me!) Plus, there would be the huge challenge of how to reach them, given their distrust of people outside of their communities. One single intervention won’t work for all, and it’s certainly going to involve a whole lot more than a workshop in schools or a TV to help make this change. We also need wider societal shifts in our mental health systems and in schools, and we still need further gains in gender equality. We need to send a strong message that misogyny is not tolerated, but also we need to have the compassion and insight to help provide the right kind of support for boys and young men in the future.

For further reading about the manopshere and incels I highly recommend the book “Men Who Hate Women” by Laura Bates.

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I’m also a counsellor in private practice ordering sessions online – find out more here.