It’s that time of year again - the endless barrage of adverts: diet products, gym memberships, expensive supplements, weight loss drugs and injectables and more. And let’s not forget the “psychological approaches” to weight loss - the ones that say “we’re-definitely-not-a-diet” when they most definitely are! The New Year comes loaded with expectations: to be better, fitter, healthier, more successful… and, of course, to BUY MORE STUFF. Businesses selling diet culture don’t care about your health, they care about making money.

So here’s your friendly reminder: you don’t have to listen to any rules, “shoulds” or “musts” about your body in the New Year. Sometimes, the stress of trying to “improve” does more harm than good. Perhaps the aim can just be to show ourselves a little more kindness and compassion this year.

For many, Christmas feels like a “free pass” to eat everything they want (especially if they were dieting/restricting before) and then they feel horrendous guilt afterwards. For others, they may have struggled to eat during this time, and others may feel pressure being around family and friends, trying to fit in and act “normal”.

Often in January (or before January even starts) the guilt and shame can set in, triggering negative thoughts about your body and food. For some, this can lead to disordered eating or intensify existing struggles with food and body image. Whether you have an eating disorder, dislike your body, or have a complicated relationship with food—your concerns are valid. You don’t need a label or diagnosis for your struggles to be valid, you too deserve help and support.
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Diet companies – and by this I mean anywhere trying to sell you something to change your body – know that people feel guilt and shame in the New Year, and they prey on people's vulnerabilities and insecurities at this time. They sell thinness (and more so now “wellness”) as a cure to all problems and to bring happiness. But happiness is not dependent on your body shape or size. They’re selling a myth – it’s all a big scam.
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​Diet culture works by failing. That might sound ridiculous, but if one diet worked and made everyone thin and happy, then everyone would do that one magical diet. Diets don’t work – this is shown through research and through the ongoing lived experience of many, many people. And it’s exactly this cycle of dieting not working that keeps people trapped as they move on to the next and the next. People always blame themselves - it’s their “lack of willpower”, their fault. And what does this bring? Even more shame. Then back around the cycle we go:

​Diet culture is always there to hand you the next “cure”, the next thing that will “finally work”. But it won’t, and they know that. It’s how they make their millions.
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This is not your fault. Dieting is a horrible cycle and it’s such a difficult trap to get out of. Diet culture is, for many, the water we swim in – it’s been all around us since we were born. Beauty standards and body expectations seep into our subconscious and collective psyche as we grow up. It’s hard to switch off all those rules and expectations when so much of it is normalised. 
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Attempts at changing your body or weight can sometimes be linked to deeper self-worth issues. When we’re sold an option to feel better about ourselves then of course it makes sense that we want to try it. The world can be a difficult place to live in, and many people have experienced difficult or traumatic things which may have impacted their self-worth. This can present as a need to change or fix ourselves, channelled into wanting to change our appearance or weight. It’s your body, your choice, always, but these changes can become all-consuming and bring a lot of anxiety and distress. It may also lead to disordered eating, or having procedures such as cosmetic surgeries.
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Here's the hard truth; if you don’t like yourself, you are unlikely to change that by losing weight or having surgery. You will likely just move on to the next thing you want to “fix”. Continuing to focus on trying to lose weight or change your appearance can just keep the cycle going, keeping you in misery and acting as a barrier to any real work that could be done to help your self-esteem and self-worth.
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Weight loss often gets credited with health improvements but it’s more likely a side effect for some people. If you want to work on your health, then go for it, but try to shift the focus off weight. After all, health is about your mental health, sleep, stress and many other aspects.

Movement can be for wellbeing, not for punishment. Find what you enjoy, if you can do exercise or movement, but also remember that this isn’t accessible for many people. Good health is not accessible to everyone. We live in human bodies that are destined at some point to be less able one way or another, through ageing or illness, so it isn’t always possible to stay healthy. Working on respect and kindness for ourselves is important, whatever your capacity for health.
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Health isn’t a moral obligation. You don’t owe anyone your health. You don’t need to look or dress a certain way for anyone else. You don’t need to comply with societal expectations, and you certainly don’t need to be funding a diet industry worth millions which exploits people’s insecurities. 
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Let’s be real: body acceptance isn’t easy, but neither is dieting. If you’ve spent years caught in the diet cycle, I get it. The pull of diet culture is strong, and it’s everywhere. But you deserve better. You deserve to feel better about yourself and have more respect for yourself.
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It’s fine if you don’t love yourself right now. Loving yourself is hard so maybe just aim for “I’m ok”. Some people find “body neutrality” helpful – working on feeling neutral about your body or not thinking about it much. We’ve all got better things to think about and to be doing! Dieting and worrying about your body takes up a lot of unnecessary energy and headspace. 
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We know that dieting is unlikely to have a positive impact on long-term mental health and wellbeing, it’s more likely to keep you in the cycle and do more harm than good. Instead, consider exploring the roots of your difficulties. This can be different for everyone, but it can help to consider childhood influences, family narratives, the impact of the media (including social media) and challenge the ways diet culture has negatively influenced your life.
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For me personally, I found that reading books (and engaging with other material) on dieting, body image and eating disorders was a great help in “un-learning” expectations and learning about my relationship with food and my body. I also had a lot of counselling too, which helped link my past to my present and also helped build my self-esteem and self-worth. As a qualified counsellor now, I am passionate about helping others do this too. I know that healing and recovery can happen from my own experiences and also through seeing the experiences of others.
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• Give diet culture the finger: your worth is not based on your body size or shape, or your level of “health”.
• Mute/unfollow/report weight-loss ads and content on social media: Curate your feed to uplift, not shame.
• Follow body-positive and body-neutral accounts that promote acceptance and diversity.
• Make non-weight-related resolutions, or skip resolutions altogether.
• Learn about diet culture, anti-diet approaches and body acceptance (I have a resources page here)
• Rest and recharge - you don’t have to be productive 24/7.
• If you have negative thoughts about your body, or any kind of self-critic thoughts for that matter, it may be helpful to write them down. You could list them out and rip up or burn the paper, or do some journalling about how you feel. I have a blog here on therapeutic writing exercises.
• Find what works for you - well-being looks different for everyone, so find what helps you feel good.
• Remember: you don’t have to change for anyone else. Your value isn’t tied to how well you fit other people’s expectations.

As we step into the new year, let’s make space for compassion, self-acceptance, and kindness, because you don’t need a “new you”. You’re already enough.
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Counselling can help explore body image and eating issues. If you’d like to find out more about about my online counselling services, click the button below.
 
I’m running a workshop in January 2025 on diet culture in the therapy room. To find out more about this or other trainings/CPD, head to my workshops page. 

Binge eating disorder (BED) is one of the most prevalent eating disorders, with many people caught in a difficult cycle of negative thoughts and difficult emotions. It can often be a secretive or shameful thing to talk about, so that’s why it’s important we do talk about it! Whether someone has a diagnosis or not, binge eating can have a huge impact on a person’s life. So let’s dive into what binge eating is, the binge cycle, and most importantly, what can help stop binge eating.

Diagnostic criteria

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the diagnostic criteria for Binge Eating Disorder (BED) involves:

• Recurrent episodes of binge eating (at least once a week 3 months)
• Eating more rapidly than usual
• Eating until uncomfortably full
• Eating large amounts when not feeling physically hungry
• Secretive eating e.g. eating alone, hiding wrappers
• Feeling embarrassed, disgusted with oneself, guilty, depressed afterwards
• Not usually associated with compensatory behaviour such as forced vomiting after (as in bulimia), though restriction and compensatory exercise may follow in a binge cycle

It’s important to know that a diagnosis doesn’t mean you’re any more worthy of help. You may not want to pursue a diagnosis at all, but if you do, in the UK you can go to your GP in the first instance. Therapists, even those working with eating disorders such as myself, do not diagnose eating disorders. Irrelevant of diagnosis, there is help and support available for binge eating. I’ll talk more about this later, but first, it can be important to understand a bit more about the binge cycle…

What is a binge cycle?

A binge cycle, similar to a diet cycle, is a pattern of behaviour, thoughts and feelings which keep people trapped in disordered eating cycles. It often involves periods of restriction, followed by binges, followed by difficult emotions such as guilt and shame. This isn’t the case for everyone as different people experience binge eating in different ways, this is based more on those who diet or restrict in some way as that becomes part of the driver for binge eating.

Here is an example of the binge/diet cycle and some thought processes that may be happening throughout:

Sometimes there can be a trigger, or a number of triggers, for each binge episode, such as a stressful day at work, a bad body image day, a difficult event, or even just boredom. For people with ADHD, they may particularly be seeking dopamine hits (i.e. a feel-good hit) to cope through the day. Food is a common way to seek pleasure, for those who don’t binge eat too. Often emotional times and stress in life impact the ways we eat – some people turn to food, others are turned off food. It can be helpful to understand your processes and try to approach this with less self-judgement. Sometimes it’s not about the amount of biscuits you eat, but more how you feel about it after. Enjoying some biscuits to comfort yourself is completely okay. If you allow yourself them you’re more likely to enjoy them instead of feeling terrible guilt after.

Guilt and shame

Oh, the post-binge guilt! It can be such a crushing, horrible feeling.
During a binge, many people can just feel numb and zone out, or others may feel enjoyment, or a freedom and even exhilaration. But it’s usually after (though this is different for different people) that the difficult emotions set in… guilt, shame, disgust, fear, anxiety, self-hatred. This can lead to feeling in a really dark place; the self-blame, negative thoughts, anger, frustration and more. It’s a horrible, painful, process. And it’s this that leads into the cycle again, with thoughts which may sound like “I’m not allowed to eat again now”, or “diet starts Monday”, or “I’ve got to be good”, or “I hate myself”. This leads back into restriction again, and then the cycle repeats.

So, how do we break the cycle?

It can be difficult to do this alone, so therapy, support groups, helplines, perhaps also nutrition support (from a non-diet nutritionist or dietitian) can be helpful. In my experience as a therapist working with people who binge eat, initially it can be helpful for a client just to unburden on someone who “gets it”. Many people are holding binge eating as their “secret” as it can feel embarrassing to talk to others about it. There is a lot of stigma around binge eating, especially for people at higher weights who may have had pressure on them to diet and who likely experience weight stigma. Firstly, to legitimise that this is an incredibly difficult thing that is likely having an impact on your life and mental health. It’s not about being weak or having no willpower, and it’s certainly not your fault.

For those who diet, it can be helpful to learn about the harms of diet culture and to look at anti-diet and intuitive eating approaches. Further weight loss attempts will only keep the cycle going, so giving up dieting can be important, which might be quite a terrifying idea for some, understandably! There may be some body acceptance work to be done if body image is an issue, and/or an unlearning of thin ideals and diet culture, but there are plenty of resources available now to help on this journey (I’ve included some recommendations at the end). Working on the fear of fatness or fear of weight gain in therapy can be important, and the deeper rooted narratives and experiences influencing this.
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Research has often been based on using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for binge eating, as this can help challenge the thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I’m personally trained in an Integrative way, which means I draw on theories from CBT as well as person-centred, humanistic and psychodynamic modalities and other theories too. It also means I can adapt my way of working to best suit clients as everyone has different learning and communication needs, which is especially important as I work with many individuals with autism and ADHD.

To break the cycle of binge eating, there can be underlying factors which need to be explored, so it can be helpful in therapy to explore childhood and body image/eating experiences in the early years. How we learn to eat and how we see our bodies is influenced by social and cultural factors, plus the media (TV, films, social media etc) and by socio-economic factors such as food scarcity (growing up with little food available can lead to binge eating in later life). Family narratives and caregivers’ relationships with food also have an impact, as children can learn to calorie count or diet from an early age which then becomes the “norm”. There may have been difficult childhood experiences or trauma which influenced the need for a coping mechanism (binge eating).

It’s never just one thing that leads to binge eating, or any eating disorder, it’s a complex mix of factors which is why exploring the bigger picture is so important. Often body image and disordered eating issues are linked to deeper-rooted self-worth issues, which is why therapy can be so important in helping those who binge eat. Understanding the underlying factors, as well as working to break the binge cycle, and learning new strategies and tools for managing emotions is all important to help recover from binge eating.
 
If you’d like more information on my counselling service, please click here.

To enquire about availability for counselling sessions please contact me through my contact form.
 
Book recommendations

What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat, and “You Just Need to Lose Weight": And 19 Other Myths About Fat People, both by Aubrey Gordon (also podcast, Maintenance Phase and documentary, Your Fat Friend)

Eating Disorders Do Not Discriminate by Dr Chukwuemeka Nwuba and Bailey Spinn

Beyond the Shadow of a Diet by Judith Matz and Ellen Frankel

Just Eat It by Laura Thomas

Anti-diet by Christie Harrison (also podcast, Food Psych)

The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
 

Skinny jabs. Weight loss injections. The new miracle drugs to “tackle the ob*sity crisis” once and for all. Drugs like Ozempic and Wegovy are being hailed as wonder drugs. Oprah raves about weight loss drugs and says “ob*sity is a disease” so it’s not about willpower. This apparently can help get rid of weight stigma…by reinforcing weight loss and thin ideals? This doesn’t make much sense to me.

“Ob*sity” is not a disease, nor a behaviour or an eating disorder. It’s a body size measure and there is wide range of people of varying degrees of health within that bracket. It’s not something that needs fixing. However, I understand that many people feel unhappy in themselves and want to make changes, though sadly this often becomes about making themselves smaller using any means possible.

I’m not against people who choose to take weight loss intentions, in the same way that I’m not anti people who diet. When I use the term “anti-diet” I mean I stand against diet culture, the thin ideal and weight stigma/biases in our society as these are harmful to so many people. It's totally understandable that people desperately want to lose weight with such societal pressures, and often pressure from medial professionals too. Many people face discrimination based on their size, so to lose weight is about keeping safe. This is completely understandable, but I personally believe it's the culture and those who discriminate who need to change, not fat people.

It’s important to make an informed choice about weight loss interventions, and how can we really do that when we are swimming in diet culture narratives? The decision to take weight loss drugs needs to be based on reliable information, and should you choose to go ahead, it needs to be done safely, through the correct channels and with plenty of support. Having counselling before can help you explore your relationship with food and your body, as it may be that you’re experiencing disordered eating or negative body image thoughts. If this is the case, taking weight loss injections will not help – it will likely only drive the thoughts and feelings that underpin your relationship with food and make things worse.
 
Weight loss injections: what are they and how do they work? 
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Weight injections are for people in higher BMI (Body Mass Index) categories, and in the UK they are usually available through a referral to a weight management service. It’s meant to be more of a last resort, like weight loss surgeries, and only available for those who “really need it” i.e. higher weights. I don’t mention specific weights as this can be triggering and further reinforces weight stigma. BMI itself is very outdated and not fit for purpose – you can learn more about that in this article by Aubrey Gordon aka Your Fat Friend.

Weight loss injections work by making people feel full for longer. The idea is, if you’re less hungry, you’ll eat less and that means you’ll lose weight. This may work in the short term whilst you’re on the medication, but when you come off it you will gain it back. However, eating less doesn’t necessarily equal thinness – lots of people in larger bodies have likely tried eating less, perhaps having tried every diet under the sun, and are not thin (if diets “worked” wouldn’t everyone be thin, right?) Even if people do lose weight they may not be thin, as for many people thinness is not just possible. Our weight is decided by many factors and genetics is a big part of that. If people can be “naturally slim” then people can also be “naturally fat”. Your body will work hard to keep you at a “set point range”, your body’s comfortable weight range, in a similar way to how our bodies regulate our temperature and our need to go to the toilet. Our bodies are clever and we should trust them but due to diet culture, many of us have lost that trust sadly.

Do weight loss injections "work"?

The long-term “success” of weight loss injections is not yet known as research has not been going long enough to be able to adequately tell. Whilst some diets and weight loss interventions can result in weight loss in the short-term weight is often gained back in the long run. In the UK, weight loss injections are only prescribed on the NHS for a maximum of 2 years, and one study has shown that people regain two-thirds of the lost weight within two years of stopping. Short-term side effects include headaches, nausea, sickness, diarrhoea, acid reflux, constipation and more. Long-term side effects of staying on weight loss injections for many years aren’t yet known, and due to fears of weight regain it is concerning how many people may try to stay on them for life.

These drugs were first intended for people with diabetes, so there have been shortages recently since its growing popularity for weight loss. Celebrities, and thinner people generally, are using it to “drop those last few pounds”, many of whom can afford to pay for it privately. Purchasing weight loss injections can be expensive plus there are risks of purchasing them online.
 
The risks of buying weight loss injections 

In the documentary, “The truth about skinny jabs” with Anna Richardson, she visits some private clinics in London where they were happy to prescribe weight loss injections, without even taking any health markers, and despite her not being fat. They did so with a hefty bill of course. Anna also experiments with buying weight loss injections online, which she does with alarming ease. The risks of this are many; you can’t trust what’s in them, you might get ripped off or scammed, and anyone young or vulnerable could potentially buy them including those with eating disorders. This is a very dangerous way of accessing these drugs, you really don’t know what you’re getting. People on social media also target people for sales and these are often scams. If you decide to take weight loss injections please do so through the proper medical channels, and if you do not meet the criteria for them, do not take them.
 
Body shame is big money 

The idea that being thinner equals happier, healthier and more respectable is the entire basis of diet culture. Companies thrive off the body shame people experience when they think they’re not thin enough (even if they’re not fat). A common myth is that people at higher weights are so because they eat too much. This idea is way too simplistic, it is not as basic as “calories in, calories out”. When it is seen as individual responsibility and just an easy “choice” to lose weight, it’s putting more blame and shame on people. Even if two people of different sizes ate exactly the same they could be completely different sizes. The idea that everyone has the ability to be thin, and that thinner is better, causes so much harm in our society and is a major driver for disordered eating.

“The best-known environmental contributor to the development of eating disorders is the sociocultural idealization of thinness.” - NEDA
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Using weight loss injections only reinforces the thin ideal and the fear of weight gain and increases the harmful experiences of fatphobia and weight stigma. These drugs do not help people with their health behaviours, or other aspects associated with better health like reducing stress and better sleep. Weight loss injections offer the same enticing dieting promise that thinner equals happier and healthier, which is simply just not true. Ultimately, in the same way that every other new diet culture fad says they are “the one” that finally makes everyone thin, they’re not. There are lots of fat people in the world and we will always still be here.
 
Eating disorders 

There are sadly too many people who are overlooked for having an eating disorder due to their body size. Many people may not recognise that their eating is “disordered” as diet culture has normalised restrictive eating, over-exercise and the pursuit of thinness “no matter what”. Due to myths and stereotypes about eating disorders, people often assume you need to be thin to have one, when in fact most people with eating disorders are not underweight.

With disordered eating labels such as Atypical Anorexia (Anorexia but not at a low weight) and Orthorexia (a preoccupation with “healthy” or “clean” eating), the lines between eating disorders, dieting and “healthy eating” are becoming increasingly blurred. This, coupled with weight stigma, means that people are often prescribed/recommended weight loss interventions when this will likely only drive the disordered eating. A person who has struggled for a long time with dieting or disordered eating is not going to be helped by yet another thing that attempts to make them thin.

The diet cycle thrives off shame, and every time an intervention fails, people blame themselves or their lack of willpower, when it’s not their fault at all. Diets are made to keep you coming back, diet companies wouldn’t make any money otherwise. Weight loss drugs, manufactured by big pharmaceutical companies, are also made so you stay on them, potentially costing you a fortune and taking on the unknown long-term risks as well as short-term side effects.

Diet companies and big pharma do not care about your health. It’s all about money and they profit big time off your body shame.

In conclusion…

If you’re concerned about your health or have fears and anxieties about your weight, please consider exploring your relationship with food and yourself before any kind of weight loss attempts or drugs. Counselling can help, as well as learning more about disordered eating, diet culture, and body acceptance and intuitive eating. Eating and body image issues can have deeper food causes and influences which will not be helped with weight loss attempts, this just keeps the cycle going. To break the cycle and make lasting changes, a deeper exploration is needed.

I offer counselling sessions online, please check out my counselling page for more info.

I also offer workshops on disordered eating, body image and weight stigma, please check out my workshops page for more information.
 

Body image problems affect lots of different people. We live in an appearance-centred society, but it’s not just about vanity or being shallow. Body image issues aren’t something “silly” experienced by teenage girls, nor are they something we can just “get over”. Body image is partly about how we see ourselves and perceive our bodies, but this is influenced by wider issues such as societal views, diet culture, inequalities, power dynamics and discrimination.

​I struggled for many years, most of my life, with body image problems. For me this centred on weight but I’m aware that other people have body image issues that have nothing to do with weight or size. My work with individuals and in workshops however does sway toward weight because it is such a big factor for so many people. Weight stigma is so prevalent in our society; it can affect people of various sizes, though people at higher weights face discrimination and many more challenges in daily life. Hating our bodies, being unkind to ourselves and trying to change the way we look isn’t the solution. Punishing ourselves only makes it worse.
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As a counsellor and trainer with lived experience of body image problems, I am passionate about helping others understand body image on a deeper level, to enable them to challenge their perceptions, assumptions and internalised fatphobia. I personally found that learning about wider societal expectations and inequalities, as well as past experiences and trauma, can help build an understanding of why we struggle with body image. Knowing all of this can help us be more compassionate to ourselves, and others.

I find that "body positivity" can be too fluffy. As much as it can be helpful for some people, it can just be yet another pressure; the pressure to “love yourself”, which is a big jump if you’ve hated your body for years. For me, it just seemed unrealistic to jiggle around in a bikini like the people I saw on Instagram when I couldn't even wear a swimming costume without a big baggy t-shirt over it for many years. "Body positivity" has unfortunately been capitalised on by companies who have noticed its popularity, and by influencers and thin (often white) attractive people online who want to promote themselves. Unfortunately, this has taken the movement away from the very people who need it the moment the most; fat, black, queer, disabled people and others who have faced discrimination and oppression.

My body image approach involves taking a "big picture" view, understanding the societal and cultural issues surrounding how we see our bodies, including class, gender, disability, race, and more. Accepting our bodies can feel like a radical act in our society where capitalism needs us to be ashamed of our bodies in order to make money. Accepting living in a larger body can be incredibly difficult for people, given the weight stigma and fatphobia they may face.
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Self-worth is so often tied up in body image. For me, healing came from understanding experiences in childhood which impacted my confidence and self-esteem. Trauma, bad experiences, bullying and attachment difficulties can all play a part in how you view yourself and your body. Gender expectations also play a big part, and how comfortable you feel in your identity. Neurodivergence, such as autism and ADHD, can also impact how you view your body, and how your body feels. I’ve heard many people talk about not fitting in and feeling like they don’t belong, which in itself is a very difficult way to grow up and can result in anxiety and social isolation. Race, culture, disability, chronic health conditions, visible “differences” and much more affect body image. When the dominant beauty standard (here in the UK) is thin, white, young, able-bodied and “normal”, anyone outside of that can be deemed “different”. We could speculate that in fact, all those “different” people would make a majority, though this is more about power held by dominant groups in our society and the “othering” which maintains that power.
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If you’re struggling with body image, you don’t have to “love” your body right now, but you could start to explore what makes you feel the way you do about your body. Having counselling may help – if you’re interested in finding out more about my counselling service click here.

For professionals, looking at the whole person and intersecting identities, and the context of their life, is so important to understand body image. But the starting point is looking at your own relationship with your own body, and the influences on how you see others’ bodies too. If you’re interested in finding out more about my training on disordered eating, body image and weight stigma, click here.

​Body image problems affect lots of different people. It’s about how we see ourselves and perceive our bodies, but this is influenced by wider issues such as societal views, diet culture and inequalities. Body image isn’t something “silly” experienced only by teenage girls, nor is it something we can just “get over”. It’s not about vanity or being shallow. I could share a bunch of statistics about how many people don’t like their bodies but I think we all know… it’s a lot.

I struggled my whole life with body image problems, mine mostly centering on weight but I’m aware that other people have body image issues that have nothing to do with weight or size. My work with individuals and in workshops however does tend to sway towards weight because it is such a big factor for so many people. Weight stigma is so prevalent in our society so it affects thin people too. Living in a larger body brings a lot of challenges but hating our bodies, being unkind to ourselves, and trying to change the way we look isn’t the solution (as much as it may really seem like it is!)
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Part of my own continued body image journey is being able to share my professional and lived experience with people, helping others understand body image on a deeper level and challenge perceptions of their bodies. I personally found that learning about wider societal expectations and inequalities, as well as past experiences and trauma, can help build an understanding as to why we struggle with body image, and this can help us be more compassionate to ourselves.

I sometimes find that "body positivity" can be too fluffy, as much as it can be helpful for a lot of people. It just seemed unrealistic for me to pose in a bikini when I couldn't even wear a swimming costume without a big baggy t-shirt over the top for many years. "Body positivity" is unfortunately capitalised on by companies who have noticed its popularity, and by influencers and thin attractive people online who want to promote themselves. This takes it away from the very people who need the moment the most, e.g. fat, black, queer, disabled people and others who have faced discrimination and oppression.

My body image approach involves taking a "big picture" view, understanding the societal and cultural issues surrounding how we see our bodies, including class, gender, disability, race, and more. Accepting our bodies can feel like a radical act in our society where capitalism needs us to be ashamed of our bodies in order to make money. So there can be such a lot to unpack when thinking about body image, which is why I offer workshops as well as one-to-one sessions. These can help you understand body image in more depth and help you move towards accepting your body.
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My next body image workshop is on Tuesday 6th September 2022 and is focused on “body acceptance” with a mix of educational content and exploration, along with guided meditations offered by meditation and reiki teacher Lesley Bailey (bios below). 

​The online workshop is for anyone struggling with body image, or those wanting to support someone else, for professionals, or for anyone wanting to learn more about body image.
It will include:

◦ Why exploring body image is important
◦ Causes of body image problems and the impact
◦ Lived experiences
◦ Weight stigma and dieting
◦ Myth-busting
◦ How we can help improve our relationship with our bodies
◦ How to support others with body image problems
◦ Practical tips and recommendations

Find out more and book here.
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About the hosts

About Mel Ciavucco:

I have been working for eating disorder charities for over 5 years and have a passion for understanding body image, eating distress and weight stigma. My own lived experience of struggling with body image, food and weight stigma plays a big part in my work as a trainer, I feel it goes hand-in-hand with my professional experience to bring enriching and inspiring workshops.  I am a counsellor in training, due to qualify in 2023, and I also work on a Domestic Violence Perpetrator Program as a group facilitator. I run workshops on body image through First Steps ED, plus I have created comprehensive body image resources for them. I currently run creative writing workshops for people affected by homelessness too.

​About Lesley Bailey:

Lesley is a trained bereavement support worker, a senior administrator and a fundraiser for a local bereavement charity, as well as a Tropic Skincare Ambassador/Leader and a Reiki Master Teacher (Holistic Health Connection).


Lesley says...
"I began learning Reiki for myself back in 1998 until becoming a teacher and now meditation, grounding and being centred are an integral part of my own life and what I share with others.  I am happy to have shared online meditation sessions throughout the pandemic but Reiki training, treatments and workshops are now available in person again. My love of natural skincare fits in beautifully with my ‘holistic head’ and led me to be an Independent Ambassador with Tropic Skincare nearly 9 years ago.  It gives me the chance to find healthy and planet protective solutions for myself, for those struggling with skincare issues or for people who just want to make more mindful choices.  I train and support my lovely team of Ambassadors to do the same.
My work with Stafford & District Bereavement & Loss Support Service since 2014 is both humbling and inspiring.  Experiencing losses myself, I understand the importance of having a safe, confidential and caring approach to the support needed at these difficult times.  The fundraising aspect of my job is both a passion and a need in order to maintain this free service for our local people."
Find Lesley on Facebook: www.facebook.com/lesley.bailey.58 with links to her Holistic Health Connection and Tropic Skincare pages.
 
To find out more about other workshops click here.

Disclaimer: I wrote these blogs a long time ago! I'm leaving them up as I don't want to delete my journey and I think showing growth is important. But it means that some of my views, and some language I use, is now different. Please be mindful of this, and that the content might be triggering, if you choose to read on.


​I love seeing so many happy, smiling plus size Instagrammers. Really I do. I need my regular body positivity reminders, but sometimes “loving” my body just feels like too much of a big ask. I mean, LOVE. That’s a strong word. Lots of emotion. I LOVE pizza, I LOVE chocolate buttons, and I love RuPaul’s Drag Race (the real genuine kind of love) but loving my body? I find it hard enough to say “it’s okay” on most days, or even “it’ll do”.

I feel like a massive hypocrite because I make body image and self-esteem YouTube videos. I totally support loving your body. We should all love our bodies. But, and I barely want to admit this, every video I make, I cringe as I watch it back. I obsess over how funny my mouth looks when I talk, how my face looks too fat, how I gesticulate too much and how everything wobbles.
But I think… No. I must not spend even a moment lingering on those thoughts. Then starts the battle in my head…

“I’ve got to be body positive. If all those amazing girls on Instagram can do it then I can too.”
“But I’m not them. I don’t even own a bikini.”
“You don’t have to. You just have to love your body.”
“Yeah, I’ll just do that.” *eyeroll*
“You can do it!”
“No, you’re fat and stupid!”
And so on…

When I was a kid I used to wear a T-shirt over my swimsuit when I was on holiday. Even taking that shirt off took years to build up to. I’m so happy for people who can take the leap into being bikini body positive so quickly, but for many of us it may take years to get to that point. We may never even get there, and that’s okay. We need to be kind to ourselves because body positivity should not have a hierarchy. It doesn’t make someone better at body positivity just because they’re wearing a bikini.

Body positivity is about questioning and changing your thoughts, not necessarily changing your body. Changing the negative thoughts about your body can help you feel confident in other aspects of your life. Feeling bad about my appearance made me want to hide from people. I wanted to shrink away until I didn’t exist anymore. I was shy and timid, scared of everyone and the world. Body positivity is a journey. We can’t all love our bodies right now and we all have a different path to take. The important part is knowing that we’re on that path, or at least near the path. You might take a few steps forward and then a few steps back. You might be right at the very start just looking at the path. It’s all okay. Wherever you are, it’s okay.
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Because everybody’s journey is different, I can’t tell you what will work for you but I’ll share with you the main ways that helped me on my body positive path:

​In my mid 20s I went to Australia. You can’t wear a t-shirt over a swimsuit in Australia – you’d look like a right dingo (I never heard a single Australian person say that, I just really wanted to use it). I needed a proper tan to prove I’d actually been away and not just hiding in my room at my parents’ house. I bought a cool tankini – a top and shorts – which I still felt uncomfortable in but I just kept wearing it until I started to get used to it. It was a big deal for me. It’s important to stop and appreciate how far we’ve come. For some people it wouldn’t be much, but for me that was a giant hurdle.

When I was younger it literally never crossed my mind why every woman I knew was on a diet yet every man wasn’t. It was just normal for me. I never remembered a time when I liked my body, it simply wasn’t allowed. Women had to be in constant dissatisfaction, always striving to change themselves, usually for the attention of men. From a very young age I knew I would have to make myself thin and beautiful if I expected to get anywhere in life. I had to lose weight if I wanted to find a man. My worth was judged on a scale held up by men.

Men have a whole different set of body images expectations on them. They’re expected to be muscly and manly, whereas women are expected to be slender and petite. More recently, women are allowed to be ‘curvy’ as long as the curves are in the right places. Arse and boobs = fine. Arms, stomach, face = oh hell no. As long as it looks sexy, that’s what matters. As long as you’re still deemed attractive by men.
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For people who don’t want to conform to a gender, it’s even harder: trying to navigate both of these sets of gender expectations. The difficulty people have with trans and non-binary people only proves to demonstrate that gender imbalances still exist in our society – when people demand to know if someone is male or female, what they’re actually doing is figuring out how to treat them. If we truly treated people equally, it wouldn’t matter.

Following positive people on social media can really help. I love Instagrammers such as Body Posi Panda and plus size yogi Jessamyn Stanley. When social media first became popular I didn’t really know what to do so I just followed everyone and everything. Once I realised that I could tailor it to what I liked, I got rid of anything negative and filled my feed full of inspiring, positive stuff.
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Get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel good. The unfollow and block buttons are your friends.

I was bullied a lot as a child. The things we learn as kids can take a long time to unpick. Those nasty voices from the past can stay with you all of your life. Seeing a counsellor/therapist can help you process your past and help you gain a new perspective on your life. It’s not a quick fix but it can help get to the root of problem. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can also be a good option in terms of building self-esteem as it involves challenging and changing your thoughts and behaviour. It can help you feel a lot more self-assured and confident.
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However, therapy can be expensive. Mental health services are underfunded and often have long waiting lists. Having worked for a counselling service for a long time, my advice would be – don’t leave it until crisis point to make the call. If you’re in the UK, go to your doctor as there may be CBT courses and counselling services available on the NHS. For a private counsellor you could look at the BACP for counsellors in your area.

Meditation is hard. I’ve never been good at just sitting and meditating silently, so yoga is more my thing. It helps me to focus, feel more balanced and it helps regulate my emotions. It helps quieten down the monkey mind (that battle in my head of what I should be thinking vs what I am thinking). I’ve tried all sorts of holistic therapies to help with stomach problems and anxiety issues. There are lots of different therapies out there, many of which can help with confidence and self-esteem. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) was particularly helpful for me. It involves tapping on different meridian (energy) points in your body which can help clear emotional blockages.

​Writing is my outlet. It can be a great form of therapy as it’s a way to process emotions. It may involve writing in a journal or writing fiction. Writing fictional characters can sometimes be very helpful to process the way you’re feeling, even without knowing it. Creativity can be a wonderful channel, whether it’s writing, art or music. Find your creative outlet.
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I want to thank all those beautiful people on social media for showing off their diverse bodies of all shapes and sizes, colours and abilities. You’re an inspiration. I hope to help bridge the gap so the jump is not so big for people who want to join you guys in bikinis. For everyone else, it doesn’t matter where you are on your path. Just keep reading, learning and questioning. Learning about yourself is the best way to start accepting yourself. Question everything you’ve ever learnt. Know that you don’t have to do it alone – when you’re having a bad day, reach out for help. Trust your path and know that there are always other people there with you. We’ll get there together.
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Helpful resources
If you're feeling down, reach out and speak to someone now:
Samaritans: 116 123
​Mind info line: 0300 123 3393

NHS Moodzone - self-esteem info
For UK counsellor listings - BACP

My most favourite Ted Talk ever:
"To this day"...for the bullied and the beautiful (by Shane Koyczan)