The term "incel" has become a focal point of media attention lately, since the release of Adolescence on Netflix, and due to violent incidents in recent years such as the Plymouth shooting in the UK, and the Toronto van attack in 2018. The term "incel" stands for “involuntary celibate”; a label adopted by people, predominantly men, who feel unable to form romantic or sexual relationships despite wanting to, and often blame others for this. What started as an online support group (ironically, set up by a queer woman) in the 1990s grew into an ideology rooted in anger, resentment, and misogyny.
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Unpacking Adolescence (Netflix): A Therapist’s Reflection on Masculinity, Power Dynamics and Shame3/25/2025 Contains Adolescence spoilers and discussion of violence/abuse.
I also have a video covering this on YouTube if you prefer to watch/listen. Adolescence (Netflix) has sparked a lot of important conversations about social media, masculinity, the manosphere, and more. As someone who has long been concerned about the rise of misogyny and the manosphere, I’m glad this show exists. It’s also rare to see a show that focuses on the perpetrator’s family and the abuse and stigma they experience. I’ve always been fascinated by what leads people to cause harm. I’m a counsellor in private practice and I used to work for a domestic abuse charity with perpetrators doing group and 1:1 work with predominantly men (you can read more about my experiences here). In this blog, I’m doing a deep dive into Netflix drama “Adolescence”, exploring the influence of the manosphere, power dynamics, gender roles, shame and trauma. These are just my theories/opinions and may differ from others, and also keep in mind that counsellors and psychologists are trained very differently. A couple of years ago I wrote an initial reflection on working with perpetrators of domestic abuse when I was relatively new to the work. Since then, sadly the service has closed as the funding ended. This is not uncommon in this field; victim services are barely funded enough so perpetrator services can be a hard sell. So, given this sad ending, I wanted to reflect on this amazing work and what I’ve learned about working with perpetrators of domestic abuse, and about what we need to do as a society to help men. Due to the nature of this work, no names or identifying information about the organisation or individual involved will be used.
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AuthorMel Ciavucco |