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The term "incel" has become a focal point of media attention lately, since the release of Adolescence on Netflix, and due to violent incidents in recent years such as the Plymouth shooting in the UK, and the Toronto van attack in 2018. The term "incel" stands for “involuntary celibate”; a label adopted by people, predominantly men, who feel unable to form romantic or sexual relationships despite wanting to, and often blame others for this. What started as an online support group (ironically, set up by a queer woman) in the 1990s grew into an ideology rooted in anger, resentment, and misogyny. 
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A couple of years ago I wrote an initial reflection on working with perpetrators of domestic abuse when I was relatively new to the work. Since then, sadly the service has closed as the funding ended. This is not uncommon in this field; victim services are barely funded enough so perpetrator services can be a hard sell. So, given this sad ending, I wanted to reflect on this amazing work and what I’ve learned about working with perpetrators of domestic abuse, and about what we need to do as a society to help men. Due to the nature of this work, no names or identifying information about the organisation or individual involved will be used.
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